Lead Me!

     

 As I start to type I can fill my head go so fast like there is so much I need to say but I'm just not sure how to word it... Sometimes in life we as mother's, daughter's wives and sister's... Can talk till we are blue in the face and no-one really ever understands us...Or it could feel that way..

I look around me and see groups of friend's, family gathering and I feel out! Lost! I began to ask myself is this really how I pictured my life would be?

I let evil in to my heart,I can't explain how much I talk! My husband could lol

I can tell you I have something to say about everything in my life! I want to be heard! I want to have a input on every move we make as a family...

Don't get me wrong I'm not crazy and I have family and friend's but sometimes thing's can get off track and you can withdraw and become distant from family and friend's... I like to say it's less trouble all the time! Go here do this type of thing....BUT IT'S NOT...

 What I have failed to do is let someone lead me without a fight! I failed to let my heart and body be guided! In many ways I talked and hardly listened. I know in my heart I want to sit back and let someone else take the lead.. But that's just not a normal for me!

My hubby is gone 28 day's for work! Such a wonderful man! Sometimes we don't talk for day's! So I have to be the head of the home and I have to act fast sometimes and not wait for any one's guidance or help! So I think I get stuck on being in control and speaking up for our family all the time I just forget to hand the role back to my wonderful hubby!:(

Galatians 5:16  So I say,let the Holy spirit guide your lives. Then you won't be doing what your sinful nature craves.

Ephesians 5:23  For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church..He is the Savior of his body,the Church.

I've sat this past two day's and thought when is the last time I OPEN up my BIBLE and let the LORD LEAD me and my choice's? When is the last time I let the BIBLE and PRAYER guide my day's? When is the last time I've willing let my husband be the HEAD when he is home and I take my role as the BODY?

Oh dear friend's  I'm astounded to tell you it has been a while! I fall into a cycle and I don't allow anyone to break it or change it! I really believe I'm opposed to change! I don't welcome it in my heart!!!

I talk way to much and I want to admit to the world- MY NAME IS GINA AND I NEED TO STOP TALKING AND LET CHRIST AND MY HUSBAND TAKE THE LEAD MORE.....Ah that felt so good..

Now friend's now that I have got it all out the real work Begin's! It will be hard and I wont be perfect! I will still talk but I'm looking forward to my husband saying "Hey women sit let me take care of you! Let me make your day easier".

Friend's I'm ready to turn to the BIBLE to lead me! If you are feeling like you take on everything and it's so much to handle give it up to the LORD or the your HUBBY let them help...I've thought if I don't be super mom I wouldn't be a good wife or mom and even though my husband has told me a hundred time's "Gina your  great in every way and I'm  proud to have you as a wife and the mother of our children" I didn't trust!!!

We can get tried and I'm TRIED! BIBLE & HUSBAND here I come!

                                                       

My Cry Out......Will you listen?

  I'm writing today with a broken heart....Almost a lost for word's.....A lap filled with tear's....

    I've lost my passion in life, my faith ...my drive! I've never been a down person!

I've always been strong and fearless.. This is a NEW for me.. I've always been

unsure about things yes,but I never showed it I stayed strong....I delt with it alone

 and without love and support!

  Today my daughter (Josie) and I were sitting at the river eating some lunch, just talking..

..I felt a world of emotion's come over me (uncontrollable)! I try my best to stay positive

and happyin front of my kid's all 3 of them-- In some way I don't want them to witness my

 pain or hurt!

     As we sat there I got to thinking I'm not were I was eight months ago...I'm just not and in many

 way's I have lost myself, my faith passion for laughter, for life! I was in tear's broken

 confused, Josie said to me ( mommy hold your head up your beautiful) my response was

more tear's..... I love you Josie I said while her little hand's wiped my tear's away....

Josie asked ( mommy why are you sad)? I stated....

Josie mommy is sorry to cry in front of you I'm just hurt, broken mommy wants JESUS!

I want my faith back...... Josie grabbed my hand and said ( mommy don't be mad God

had to die so you can live with the earth..She said he gave us life and died but if you want

to talk to him you can come to my bed and get your hand's together and pray like we do.....

   I'm blessed!!!!! Beyond reasoning......She has a love for the LORD!

When she stated this to me...my baby at 4year's old prayed for me..... (her word's)

 God my mommy is sad cause you died and she is mad because

she forgot to pray and talk to you.... my mommy is long

gone and needs you come to our house and help her....

                           -Amen Josie Ditto Bedroom

                   The cutest ever! I smiled and it warmed my heart really it did....I love to write

 when I'm down and I wanted to share with you all my heart and the real hurt

I'm feeling.....

-Today my eye's are flooded. My heart aces! I've lost my faith..

I feel used and broken.I feel faded and empty! Incomplete..

I"M HUNGRY-HUNGRY FOR JESUS!  I'm not scared to admit I'm off track and lost.... I need love and support I need prayer!

Everyone is here at one point and I"m here and been here for months.... I NEED PRAYER! I need guidance... I'm crying out loud to my sister's and brother's...Are you there I feel distant bring my close hold me tight wipe theses tear's from my eye's! Neal beside me hear my cry!This time I need you and here is why,

I've lost all hope inside...my heart is broken and no one ask why ..I feel alone no-one in sight...I've fallen and can't get back up....I've lost my love and passion...I feel the need to fight this darkness taking hold but I can't find it in me.. I need your help ...will you help good or bad...Please don't judge when you hear- I have a past.. I have sinned..

Just forgive and smile today I'm a child of GOD help me find my way....I've fought alone for so long and I've gotten nowhere stand up with me? Pray with me tonight! My faith has faded and I need it back ... It comes with love and passion forgiveness...

   

If you been here I want to help you! I can't change your world but I will make you smile I will love you for the good and bad... I can listen to your cry and I will never hold your past against you! Sister's I came with a heavy heart tonight and I wont ever go away with out prayer....I ask you tonight to pray for my walk with the LORD:) I'm forever grateful!

Special Daddy......

Josie and Daddy talking....

Daddy with his girl's....

Daddy's are so special!

Daddy and Daniel....



I'm so blessed to have a wonderful, caring man to father our children!
Larry has always been fun, he will make you smile even when your trying
not to... I'm in love with this AH-MAZING Daddy....


I don't have a good bond with my dad....It hurts alot that I don't even talk
with my daddy sometime for month's.....

So I've always dreamed of a man, kind and gentle.... A man that would
guide and love our kid's more then yell and rise a hand to them....

I wanted my kid's to be able to come to their mom and dad for anything!
I wanted to see daddy daughter date's and
father-son outing's....

My husband work's on a tow boat and is out for a month..
He has sacrificed a home life to provide for us as a family...
I'm so thankful for him in many way's.....

Money is great! BUT it's not about the money....
We could live in a  box and I know Larry would still be right there
making us smile..helping us through the night's....

Our kid's talk about their daddy so much!
The kid's light up around him each time he enters a room....
Their daddy is a SPECIAL DADDY!!!

Seeing our older daughter look to her dad for dating advice..
For his approval,

Seeing our son take a interest in following in his dad's foot steps....
For his guidance in life.....

Seeing our younger daughter holding daddy's hand for everything...
looking for kisses and hugs no matter who's watching....


I'm blessed to have shared a part of  our life, someone who is
very SPECIAL to us.....
                         Thanks for reading......

I Stand Tall!!

                I've been attacked- lied on- questioned... The devil have came to
 my door and invited his self into my heart my home, my life around my love one's...

               He took a shape and I fell for it I invited him with open arms
without even knowing all along he was here to hurt me and my family.

              My headquarters (HEART) was attacked! My state of being, my faith
and charter my love was questioned..

              I wont lie I took it! I laid down and hid for a short while!
I let it happen, I gave no fight! I thought and felt I had fight left in me!
Scared and confused heart broken, faithless of the unknown! I took it1

         In my moment's of darkness I seen little steams of light trying to
weave through. If only I would stand up and trust, believe.....
If only I would desire the love of OUR PROTECTOR! I just gave in!

  I felt broken , not worthy for GODS love....

   I got up! I found clarity in this mess... I stood tall, firm my head
held high.... God touched me, he let me know he is here, He LOVES
ME!!!

    Proverbs 28:26
"He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but he who walks
wisely will be delivered."

   I took a stand! I pushed the Devil out along with all the doubt and hurt
 that came with him! I gave him the ole boot.... I WON!!!
He took hold brought me down in my brief moment of weakness,
I stood before him and fought with kindness, love forgiveness in my heart!

    I beat him with peace in my heart! With fact's and the guidance of the
                    LORD!!! AND I WON!!!

       Your not going to bring me down I'll have my weak moments,
I will have trails and mountain's to climb but they will only build me
teach me, and build my faith in the LORD!




        Thanks for reading this post this past week has been so hard for my family!! We have been questioned to every length and more! It was hard to overcome but I did with faith and I learned that anyone no matter how close can hurt you and your love one's! Keeping your faith is most important:)