My Cry Out......Will you listen?

  I'm writing today with a broken heart....Almost a lost for word's.....A lap filled with tear's....

    I've lost my passion in life, my faith ...my drive! I've never been a down person!

I've always been strong and fearless.. This is a NEW for me.. I've always been

unsure about things yes,but I never showed it I stayed strong....I delt with it alone

 and without love and support!

  Today my daughter (Josie) and I were sitting at the river eating some lunch, just talking..

..I felt a world of emotion's come over me (uncontrollable)! I try my best to stay positive

and happyin front of my kid's all 3 of them-- In some way I don't want them to witness my

 pain or hurt!

     As we sat there I got to thinking I'm not were I was eight months ago...I'm just not and in many

 way's I have lost myself, my faith passion for laughter, for life! I was in tear's broken

 confused, Josie said to me ( mommy hold your head up your beautiful) my response was

more tear's..... I love you Josie I said while her little hand's wiped my tear's away....

Josie asked ( mommy why are you sad)? I stated....

Josie mommy is sorry to cry in front of you I'm just hurt, broken mommy wants JESUS!

I want my faith back...... Josie grabbed my hand and said ( mommy don't be mad God

had to die so you can live with the earth..She said he gave us life and died but if you want

to talk to him you can come to my bed and get your hand's together and pray like we do.....

   I'm blessed!!!!! Beyond reasoning......She has a love for the LORD!

When she stated this to me...my baby at 4year's old prayed for me..... (her word's)

 God my mommy is sad cause you died and she is mad because

she forgot to pray and talk to you.... my mommy is long

gone and needs you come to our house and help her....

                           -Amen Josie Ditto Bedroom

                   The cutest ever! I smiled and it warmed my heart really it did....I love to write

 when I'm down and I wanted to share with you all my heart and the real hurt

I'm feeling.....

-Today my eye's are flooded. My heart aces! I've lost my faith..

I feel used and broken.I feel faded and empty! Incomplete..

I"M HUNGRY-HUNGRY FOR JESUS!  I'm not scared to admit I'm off track and lost.... I need love and support I need prayer!

Everyone is here at one point and I"m here and been here for months.... I NEED PRAYER! I need guidance... I'm crying out loud to my sister's and brother's...Are you there I feel distant bring my close hold me tight wipe theses tear's from my eye's! Neal beside me hear my cry!This time I need you and here is why,

I've lost all hope inside...my heart is broken and no one ask why ..I feel alone no-one in sight...I've fallen and can't get back up....I've lost my love and passion...I feel the need to fight this darkness taking hold but I can't find it in me.. I need your help ...will you help good or bad...Please don't judge when you hear- I have a past.. I have sinned..

Just forgive and smile today I'm a child of GOD help me find my way....I've fought alone for so long and I've gotten nowhere stand up with me? Pray with me tonight! My faith has faded and I need it back ... It comes with love and passion forgiveness...

   

If you been here I want to help you! I can't change your world but I will make you smile I will love you for the good and bad... I can listen to your cry and I will never hold your past against you! Sister's I came with a heavy heart tonight and I wont ever go away with out prayer....I ask you tonight to pray for my walk with the LORD:) I'm forever grateful!