I'm stuck! Help me,guide me?

I've been watching life pass me by! I watch as my friend's grow and move on , I see happy face and tear's of joy and lm stuck in a hole of darkness alone!!

  I want more then anything to have my hubby home to hold me keep me safe from the world.. The truth is I don't know if we even know each other anymore! I feel loss and ladies let me tell you I think (the not knowing) is getting to me faster then anything!

I see families in church, date night's and my heart aces! I want to run and cry just hide from all the people who have what I want!! I'm married to a wonderful man whom work's away from home and he work's so hard for our family! I have the family I've always wanted but why is it that I feel alone and abused in some sense?

 I'm not understanding why I'm married and alone for month's at a time.. Why WE have three Beautiful children together but I'm alone parenting them? I don't understand why my bed was bought for two but all that lays in it is a dream, a smell of you?

I feel out of place without my husband beside me to help guide our family and teach our kid's as they grow and become older! I feel like I'm drowning and he (my husband) is no where to help!

I understand I have a great hard working loving man! Wonderful father and trust me I've counted my blessing from day one but I've fought this feeling and it just wont go away! I keep fighting and it just appears again down the road over taking me in every way!

 I pray, I read my bible daily and still I feel seconded, abandoned! I feel like I'm fighting the world alone and the sad part is I'm not! I have a wonderful husband to fight it with me but he is never here!:(

I need to dig deep and understand I guess just lay my feeling's down but is it really this easy to forget? I need to understand? I need to grow up and stop being silly?

I fell there needs to be something to take place something big! I want to move pass this trail in life but for some reason I think my battle just begun!


Ladies if you have dealt with or have had to deal with something alone the lines...Please fill free to advise me.... My husband can only talk so much but I don't think it's helping!

Thanks for reading, posting my dear friend's you love is such a blessing!