Pushed away only to end with love!

My Husband and I:)2006




Sadly our story didn't start out so wonderful!
I will start by telling you I have spent the most part of my childhood
and adulthood pushing people away!
I was out to hurt them before they could hurt me.....


I've been put down and hurt, touched and abused
through-out my childhood-- I tried to find a happy place where
No ONE could hurt me and the truth is I didn't find that place!
I didn't feel safe..So I put this wall of fire up..


I remember setting out to hurt anyone who came close,
to close for comfort! I would do anything to hurt them
to remove them from my life so they couldn't do what the other's done!!
I was RUDE,NEGATIVE,OUT OF LINE!!

I remember losing friend's because I wouldn't let them to
close....No One took the time to ask me why?
No one sat down and tried to understand....

I tried to have friend's after so long they would get to close!
I would stop going to there house...Stop taking phone
calls! Distant my self to my room alone...
Untouchable!

See in my heart I wanted to reach out I wanted to talk
about thing's in my past, people who hurt me!
No one would take the time to listen...
There are so-many unknown thing's No one but my husband
knows about me!

I was 16 and wild! Not sexually but other way's
I stop attending school hung out with people whom
cheered me on to do horrible thing's- to fight
to drink....

I ran into a day where I was alone when I needed
someone to hold me to cry with me! Not to
see the negative and run but to hold tighter!


I'm here to tell you I still have day's when
I feel my family is in harm's way and I distant whom
ever might harm them from our life!

I saw a man! Someone to love!
Someone to love me!
(MY HUSBAND)

I had anger for so long,I hated myself and the one's
whom hurt me abused me- touched me!

Larry looked past my negative rude way's and seen
good! I pushed this man I should say I tried to
push him away.....

He stood by me! Held me through bad and good!
It's like he helped me release the evil all the
anger was gone when I was around him....

I smiled.... I remember laughing until it hurt!
He made me happy:)
At first I think I was there cause I felt different
around him, Not for love just a escape away from
all the bad!

November 12,2006 I was ask to move in...
ha! I thought it was a joke I thought he was nut's!
His two kid's called me mom they were so small!

I didn't know what would happen!
I didn't want to upset the kid's or
anyone around him!

They were always smiling and having fun!
I moved in that day that's when my love grew
for him! For the family!

There is no way I will lie and say I don't have
bad day's.... I don't push people away!
Because I do as everyone one has and will!

I have God to help me now!
A love so strong... A love
I never knew was available to me!

I'm happy to tell you Larry and I are coming up on
our 4th Wedding Anniversary:)
This January 24th,2013!

Almost
Seven full year's with  the man
whom loved me!

It's been hard to let this wall down!
I should tell you
I'm still in love with him...
With my family!
with my life....Sometimes I think I'm dreaming
but, the truth is I wake up to find a loving
Husband three wonderful children whom Love's me for me!!!

Our love as a family is strong....
We have a bond with each other I'm thankful to GOD
I have!

Ladies I still have my day's but I'm here to tell you
I wanted to share what I went through not in detail
because it still hurts to talk about sometimes!

If you have a wall up, if you can't trust..
If you have been hurt before!
I ask you to pray!
If not family, If not friend's
GOD will see you through!

He has a unconditional love! Amazing love!
To you whom have been hurt or abused in anyway,,,
My heart go's out to you!
My love and understanding go's out to you!
I pray for you and your faith!

Thank y'all for reading! Thanks for listening!
I'm so glad y'all stopped by and allowed me to
open up and show you my feeling's, my heart!!!