When Is ever enough?

  
   Life is hard to understand sometimes ( like if I have to tell you)....
I wonder sometimes if what I do is enough? Do I have enough love to give tomorrow?
I feel like some night's I drag to bed and five minutes later I'm right back up at LIFE again..


 My house clean?
Is everything in place?
Girl's hair done?
what's for dinner?
What to do tomorrow?
Who is coming over?
  So many question's feels like not enough time in the world to think and do everything on my to do list! Maybe you sweet friend's deal with the daily happenings and wonder if it's every going to be enough?

 I must admit to you I've always been a little OCD okay maybe a lot.... My hubby tells me "Gina I'm sure if you go to bed with a unfixed couch or without clean trash bin's the clean cops wont come write you a ticket." I always say okay funny guy your right.... But then I lay in bed wondering maybe I should just go clean up and then I'll have a clean start in the morning....

  Truth is I wake to "out of place thing's" anyway! No matter what I do there is always more to do, feels like I'm running out of LIFE!  When I have friend's or family visit they always joke with me about everything having "THAT ONE SPOT".... I find myself sitting here visiting but really my mind is in overload because the kid's made a mess in the hall or the couch is messed up.....

  I always go in the kid's room trying to organize and clean to my standard's and my oldest daughter put a sign on the door saying.....(sorry if it's hard to see)....


"No moms allow to come in and clean or talk about cleaning."
Enter if you ONLY want to have fun....

No matter how many time's I take it down it finds away back on the door lol! 

 

   Yes I have fun with my beautiful children yes I display their art work..... there has been times
I get no sleep to make things Perfect..... Who is to say the dirtiest house on earth isn't the perfect one? What I'm trying to do is get more relax and "free" time! This past week my "to do" list was as long as a whole notebook page.... thing's like rewash all dishes, take all food out of cabinet's and better organize by date.....or move everything out living room and wipe wall's door frame's and move the thing's back in!

  My husband joke's and pokes at me all the time "I'll keep my day job" or "how much do you get paid I'm sure not enough" ........ It's not the work that effect's me cause cleaning is a big stress reliever for me! It's the thinking about it every single minute......

 I sat the kid's down and asked them what they would like to do or see me do over this weekend this is what I got.....

Daniel- Racing or mudding.....
Gladys- creek no matter how dirty it looks....
Josie - "momma spill tea in the floor while playing tea time with me, put your cover over it and leave it there for YOUR mom to clean... that's what I do mommy.....

REALLY???? :Ha! This will be a fun weekend.....

 Some-times it's life's mess UPS we really see who Love's us for us! Out of the few family and friend's that do stop by none of them judge me if anything they encourage me to relax more, they help me! I've always been afraid for that one person to stop by and my house be filled with cracker's or spilt milk...and being judged for it.....

  This weekend we- NO I will try to complete each of the kid's request and not worry about being judge or being picture as a bad mother or wife for it! If you find your self to be stressed about being perfect EVERYDAY take a weekend for your self take ADAY to be relaxed and free! Maybe it wont be that bad friends.....Until next time reader's......
 

 

No Accident!

God knew who you were before anyone else did!


We as mom's try to make our daughter's fill Beautiful and amazing!
What the world makes them fill is less then that! What we have told them for the last 18 years or less maybe more is out the window all cause Stacey down the street has better clothes or more shoes!


Gladys will be 12 July 12 of this month....She has wondered for awhile what it would be like to set at (that lunch table) (to be on that team) She has friend's good girl's, But Gladys wonders what (the grass on the other side is like) so to speak..

She was doing her hair yesterday and tear's fell from her pure pale face... Her brown eye's filled with disappointment... As a mother I felt like I let her down I didn't understand why she would fell this way? She was beautiful, amazing.... I began to question did she hear (your beautiful enough?) Did I fail making her feel beautiful?


I sat her down just us! What's wrong baby? Momma why do all the girl's at school have better clothes and why do the have better hair? Why do their mom's allow them to get fake nails and I can't! Why do the cool girl's not allow me to sit with them at lunch? Will middle school be this bad? Tear's just poured from her pretty face and mine!


I asked what makes you feel less then other girl's? (momma they aren't the nicest to me and my friend's they say thing's that are mean and hurtful makes me feel ugly)

My heart dropped QUICK what to say! My head felt like that part on spongebob where there trying to think of his name and all they found was fine dinning, I have a thousand thing's running through which would be better to say to my Beautiful amazing daughter who has bared the raft of the face of TV, BOOKS and popular girl's!

I told her give me a minute baby.... BIBLE please help me I"VE never went through this I was one of the Popular girl's so to say! HELP!!!


Jeremiah 1:5
I chose you before I formed you in the womb I set you apart before you were born I appointed you a prophet to the nation's...

Gladys God made you with no accident's I read Jeremiah 1:5 to her and explain you are designed by GOD himself ! He made you with special abilities with specific battle's to overcome in life.... He made a significant plan for you and at the end you will learn...

YOUR amazing in every way GOD attended you to be, best eye's and mouth beautiful spirit and soul... Well rounded person... You have a heart! You might not spend $50 on each pair of jeans but you look good in your yard sale or second handed clothes... You have faith that you are perfect in GOD eye's and no one is better then you or your not better then anyone else! He made you on PURPOSE!


I felt like the world feeds our children to feel less of themselves because of the shirt they wear or the shoes they don't have! We are all Beautiful and made with a significant plan in life... regardless of who don't approve of us and who trys to change us because we aren't  the girl down the street or not the model on a cover shoot.... We are designed with specific issues and skills also the abilities to overcome anything in life because GOD made us that way!

 

 

 

This was us silly and happy! Okay Gladys was alittle over taken by my attempt to make her laugh but at the end I think my talk did some good! I was unsure but it made it with the guidance of the lord and the word!

 

 

Submission>3

 

    When I thought about submitting myself fully to something or someone- I thought I was giving up apart of who I was.. I felt used an belittled, like I need someone to tell me what's best for me really? I wanted SELF CONTROL!

  I've always been definite and difficult... I never wanted to be labeled as being diffident or unaccomplished...

 I was determined  to be important and worthy.... At the end I lost me fighting all theses years to have control over what I feel and think is best I've missed out on some relaxed day's and loving moment's!

I read a scripture Ephesians 5:22-23
     And yes, the wife must submit to the leadership of her husband.

Now the little scared girl whom read this scripture seven years ago ran the other way.
Are you crazy submitting to him hahaha laughing all the way.. While thinking he isn't my daddy and I don't need him to tell me how to live my life!


Now the women at this key board can take accountability and recognize I was so wrong. I missed out on life I missed out and so did my husband... He tried to led me in ways I thought boy you are NOT my daddy! I didn't want to do what was expected of me and in so-many way's I ran to avoid submission or advice...

Today I sit in tear's because I want to take back the last seven year's of being scared running the other way hiding myself from being fathered!

Today I understand what my marriage has lost but also what my marriage has gained!My husband has let me do thing's my way for seven year's and for so long I felt good doing so but the truth is I took my husband faith and pride away from him...

Pushed him away for seven year's cause I knew all the answer and the whole time I KNEW NONE!

Now it's time to give back to my HUBBY and fully, unconditionally submit to him. Put my faith and trust in him knowing he will do right by his family.. I don't wish away the last seven years cause I went through them with a good man who stood by me and honored me, still doses I love this man with my whole heart body and soul! Now it's time to spend the next 80 years loving him unconditionally, and whole heartily submitting myself to him!

Ladies this don't mean we have no self worth or we aren't important or we can't accomplish anything this just means we will do it as a team together! I'm sure it will be hard going from me TO us but WE can do it!

            Thanks -Gina

Because of them!

   Mother's Day coming up and I battled for so long with being a mom! I thought for sure I would turn out like my dad and mom..... I knew I wanted kid's and a husband but I didn't want to right away... I wanted to wait till I was older and wiser.... I knew deep inside I wanted the American family dream just didn't know when or how!

  I was in a bad place in life a angry soul walking around waiting for someone to hurt someone to blame for all my pain in life...Smiles didn't come to often... Dream's were my only happiness for a while I had come to a place of unhappiness a feeling on loneliness...I had no one to love or to love me.....

I moved out into a hotel when I was 16 year's old I dropped out of school and worked to pay my own bills...It was the happiest I was in awhile free from hurting, no one to hit me no more black eye's no more yelling and telling me how bad Iam just me living for me!

 I was going no where doing nothing in life! Why would there be anyone to love some one like me?
I was wrong! Larry and I meet and he showed me a life I've never known a love so strong something no one has ever expressed to me before.....

 November 6 2006 I moved in with Larry and his two kid's Daniel and Gladys.... At 19 I became a mother of two and a (unmarried) house wife I guess you could say.....It was so hard to trust them and so easy to love them with all my heart!

 I wondered for so long what being a mother would be like and I loved every second of it! Their mom was and still is NOT around and they call me mom till this day! I married this wonderful man and gain two children soon after had one of our own Josie.... They changed me (saved me)!! Loved me when no one else did they stood by me good and bad moment's! They are my best friend's I'm still learning and growing I'm so proud to say I'm growing with them!

I wrote something I want to share!:)

A mother's love could never be questioned! Gentle hand's and tender kisses... Flower's bloom then shortly die off...Mother's love blossoms forever more... never to die! I look at you and my heart smiles, your my every wish my every dream...

To see you cry makes my heart scream.. I will never be one to put you down or judge you, your so perfect to me! Beautiful daughter's and handsome son my love burns like a bright and gentle fire never to be put out! My wishes are to watch you grow to love you more and more...help you shine in every way hard day's and bad dream's are sure to come just know mommy will always be on your team...

Pick up your every fall your my flower's I want to help you grow! My love could never be questioned for you three are my soul! I have a mothers day EVERYDAY because of you! I'm blessed beyond a doubt.. I want you to know I'm here today tomorrow, and forever too! Just wanted you three to know how much I really love you!


I love these three and to tell you the truth I have a mother's day everyday!! Every smile, hug every prayer.... every I love you..... Life without them would be unbearable! I wish each and everyone a very Happy Mother's Day I love ya'll and Be Blessed sweet friend's!

My three babies!:)

Great blessing's on my Birthday!

   
                                      I'm turning 26 year's old tomorrow!
At first I felt overwhelmed and (OLD).... I thought I would feel wise and like I'm getting a new start! For some reason up until last night I was NOT looking forward to growing  older this year!


This morning at two in the morning on the way to Memphis to drop off my hubby for work..... I had so much me time to think.. Everything that has happen to me and for me, all my trails and all my blessings!

My husband and I moved back to Savannah and bought our very on home, We faced a trail in life that just built our faith up so strong! Our family has grown closer in this past year! I can list a million thing's that has happen good and bad! But for me all that is going through my head is why don't I have my hubby on my birthday why are the kid's and I always alone?

  Question's second guessing everything in life! I want to move pass these negative thoughts in my mind and move past them fast! This morning on the way home I turned on 90.5 our local K-love station I needed and wanted to be inspired encouraged what better way then to worship?

My mind went blank all bad thoughts gone my feeling loved and not alone I started to list good thing's out loud about my past year ONLY GOOD!
My two girl's woke at this point,still talking to myself haha the girl's were talking and laughing among there self.....

 My four year old loves K-love she starts to sing out loud
"where you go I'll go"  where you stay I'll stay" when you move I'll move"
Then my oldest daughter starts to sing, tear's flooded my eye's, tears of happiness of joy! How could I second guess a new season in life?

 Why would I have my eye's set on bad and the past when GOD has a open road for my family and I..... I have a sat out to engage in full love, and forgiveness this year I'm young and a wife a mother of three...

I've been blessed with two amazing unwanted children! I've been with them for seven year's nw and they are mine there couldnt be a life without them:)I prayed to God for my very own child after more then three doctors telling me I would never carry We had a sweet baby girl.....

I'm thankful so thankful I made a goal list for this year of being 26 happy, wise, encouraged new loved brave!!!

-Pray more... More one on one time with GOD!
-Take more free time... forget the cleaning...
-less T.V and FB and Blogging more family time!
-Be free in the judgment world we live in today!
-Taking a trip saving money's nice but for once I want to say yea to a trip enjoy the money we work so hard for!!!


  I'm Gina I'm a simple 26 year old women of GOD , mother and wife...
I have doubts and question's I get down in life sometimes stressed!
At the end of the day I know I'm blessed and loved... I'm never alone
I'm older and beautiful and blessed beyond doubt.....

Five minute thought's!

What's new!


-Book's I'm reading....  The Respect Dare, by Nina Resner!
    Wonderful so far and I feel like there are some
good changes going on:)


-Kids are doing....  Gladys has started ball practice this past week or so..
Daniel is taking a break for summer sports, he wants more time to relax lol be a "bro" the was he puts it......
Josie has dance recital coming up, summer classes begin soon and we have started BEKA BOOK for home school:)


-Hubby and I are....   We are trying to find a medium for us! We go so long without one another and it's so hard to make time in the time he is home so this past two weeks we have had TWO date night's:) We loved every minute of them!


-Trips planing soon...    June is when we are going on a four day  weekend get away to Chicago to see my family....

-Trips we took.....   We went to Houston Ms to visit with Larry's family I have to say we has a blast!:)

Me and the Hubby:)

Josie and her Nana!

Daniel our handsome man:)

Josie and momma!

Momma and Daughter's!

I'm stuck! Help me,guide me?

I've been watching life pass me by! I watch as my friend's grow and move on , I see happy face and tear's of joy and lm stuck in a hole of darkness alone!!

  I want more then anything to have my hubby home to hold me keep me safe from the world.. The truth is I don't know if we even know each other anymore! I feel loss and ladies let me tell you I think (the not knowing) is getting to me faster then anything!

I see families in church, date night's and my heart aces! I want to run and cry just hide from all the people who have what I want!! I'm married to a wonderful man whom work's away from home and he work's so hard for our family! I have the family I've always wanted but why is it that I feel alone and abused in some sense?

 I'm not understanding why I'm married and alone for month's at a time.. Why WE have three Beautiful children together but I'm alone parenting them? I don't understand why my bed was bought for two but all that lays in it is a dream, a smell of you?

I feel out of place without my husband beside me to help guide our family and teach our kid's as they grow and become older! I feel like I'm drowning and he (my husband) is no where to help!

I understand I have a great hard working loving man! Wonderful father and trust me I've counted my blessing from day one but I've fought this feeling and it just wont go away! I keep fighting and it just appears again down the road over taking me in every way!

 I pray, I read my bible daily and still I feel seconded, abandoned! I feel like I'm fighting the world alone and the sad part is I'm not! I have a wonderful husband to fight it with me but he is never here!:(

I need to dig deep and understand I guess just lay my feeling's down but is it really this easy to forget? I need to understand? I need to grow up and stop being silly?

I fell there needs to be something to take place something big! I want to move pass this trail in life but for some reason I think my battle just begun!


Ladies if you have dealt with or have had to deal with something alone the lines...Please fill free to advise me.... My husband can only talk so much but I don't think it's helping!

Thanks for reading, posting my dear friend's you love is such a blessing!

Five Minute Friday...

Our Small Homeschooling Corner!

Josie learning hard:) Most of all having fun:)



I really began this journey about four month's ago, I started to teach sight word's and number's! We have sought out homeschooling because we fell  safe with only  us being her main learning source! She is so smart and wants to learn about anything!

I wanted to share some thing's we have tried in our schooling days:) I wanted to also share a few do it your self projected that I have found wonderful!

-I found a old desk and cleaned it up..Got some chalk board paint and painted the top of the desk twice...

  ---Josie is allowed to write on it practice her sight word's, her name and lots of letter's and she is enjoying copying what I write on my big chalk board!

-Letter box.... I bought some letter's put them in a box (not see through) make a whole at the top.. I only put the letter's from the sight word's we worked with that day in there just to help insure spelling them and recognize the letter's!

-----Josie pulls one letter tells what that letter is and the sound it makes then pulls another we do this until she can spell a word....

-Food has been a huge help with counting she loves to snack and so I added that to learning and it's a hit! We do raisins,grapes  and apple's!

-----She (Josie) counts the food and then I take some away and she will count whats left then I ask something like who has more or less.... if she gets it right she can eat them:)

-Letter's Ive found it super crazy to go through all 26 letter's at one time as the picture shows we practice on four letter's a day the on Friday's we go over all the letter's and word's....

-----We make it fun! Josie and I make up a letter dance it is so fun to walk around the house finding thing's that start with that letter and then dancing until the next person finds something else that starts with the next letter.....

I'm so blessed to be able to be a stay at home mom and teach my little one along the way:)

Every-day is new and I love to learn different way's to teach her and make it fun:) I like hearing input from other homeschooling parent's.......

Josie loved painting the noodle's and gluing them to the poster!
when I asked her what to call it she said NODDLE DODDLE....:)

Lead Me!

     

 As I start to type I can fill my head go so fast like there is so much I need to say but I'm just not sure how to word it... Sometimes in life we as mother's, daughter's wives and sister's... Can talk till we are blue in the face and no-one really ever understands us...Or it could feel that way..

I look around me and see groups of friend's, family gathering and I feel out! Lost! I began to ask myself is this really how I pictured my life would be?

I let evil in to my heart,I can't explain how much I talk! My husband could lol

I can tell you I have something to say about everything in my life! I want to be heard! I want to have a input on every move we make as a family...

Don't get me wrong I'm not crazy and I have family and friend's but sometimes thing's can get off track and you can withdraw and become distant from family and friend's... I like to say it's less trouble all the time! Go here do this type of thing....BUT IT'S NOT...

 What I have failed to do is let someone lead me without a fight! I failed to let my heart and body be guided! In many ways I talked and hardly listened. I know in my heart I want to sit back and let someone else take the lead.. But that's just not a normal for me!

My hubby is gone 28 day's for work! Such a wonderful man! Sometimes we don't talk for day's! So I have to be the head of the home and I have to act fast sometimes and not wait for any one's guidance or help! So I think I get stuck on being in control and speaking up for our family all the time I just forget to hand the role back to my wonderful hubby!:(

Galatians 5:16  So I say,let the Holy spirit guide your lives. Then you won't be doing what your sinful nature craves.

Ephesians 5:23  For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church..He is the Savior of his body,the Church.

I've sat this past two day's and thought when is the last time I OPEN up my BIBLE and let the LORD LEAD me and my choice's? When is the last time I let the BIBLE and PRAYER guide my day's? When is the last time I've willing let my husband be the HEAD when he is home and I take my role as the BODY?

Oh dear friend's  I'm astounded to tell you it has been a while! I fall into a cycle and I don't allow anyone to break it or change it! I really believe I'm opposed to change! I don't welcome it in my heart!!!

I talk way to much and I want to admit to the world- MY NAME IS GINA AND I NEED TO STOP TALKING AND LET CHRIST AND MY HUSBAND TAKE THE LEAD MORE.....Ah that felt so good..

Now friend's now that I have got it all out the real work Begin's! It will be hard and I wont be perfect! I will still talk but I'm looking forward to my husband saying "Hey women sit let me take care of you! Let me make your day easier".

Friend's I'm ready to turn to the BIBLE to lead me! If you are feeling like you take on everything and it's so much to handle give it up to the LORD or the your HUBBY let them help...I've thought if I don't be super mom I wouldn't be a good wife or mom and even though my husband has told me a hundred time's "Gina your  great in every way and I'm  proud to have you as a wife and the mother of our children" I didn't trust!!!

We can get tried and I'm TRIED! BIBLE & HUSBAND here I come!

                                                       

My Cry Out......Will you listen?

  I'm writing today with a broken heart....Almost a lost for word's.....A lap filled with tear's....

    I've lost my passion in life, my faith ...my drive! I've never been a down person!

I've always been strong and fearless.. This is a NEW for me.. I've always been

unsure about things yes,but I never showed it I stayed strong....I delt with it alone

 and without love and support!

  Today my daughter (Josie) and I were sitting at the river eating some lunch, just talking..

..I felt a world of emotion's come over me (uncontrollable)! I try my best to stay positive

and happyin front of my kid's all 3 of them-- In some way I don't want them to witness my

 pain or hurt!

     As we sat there I got to thinking I'm not were I was eight months ago...I'm just not and in many

 way's I have lost myself, my faith passion for laughter, for life! I was in tear's broken

 confused, Josie said to me ( mommy hold your head up your beautiful) my response was

more tear's..... I love you Josie I said while her little hand's wiped my tear's away....

Josie asked ( mommy why are you sad)? I stated....

Josie mommy is sorry to cry in front of you I'm just hurt, broken mommy wants JESUS!

I want my faith back...... Josie grabbed my hand and said ( mommy don't be mad God

had to die so you can live with the earth..She said he gave us life and died but if you want

to talk to him you can come to my bed and get your hand's together and pray like we do.....

   I'm blessed!!!!! Beyond reasoning......She has a love for the LORD!

When she stated this to me...my baby at 4year's old prayed for me..... (her word's)

 God my mommy is sad cause you died and she is mad because

she forgot to pray and talk to you.... my mommy is long

gone and needs you come to our house and help her....

                           -Amen Josie Ditto Bedroom

                   The cutest ever! I smiled and it warmed my heart really it did....I love to write

 when I'm down and I wanted to share with you all my heart and the real hurt

I'm feeling.....

-Today my eye's are flooded. My heart aces! I've lost my faith..

I feel used and broken.I feel faded and empty! Incomplete..

I"M HUNGRY-HUNGRY FOR JESUS!  I'm not scared to admit I'm off track and lost.... I need love and support I need prayer!

Everyone is here at one point and I"m here and been here for months.... I NEED PRAYER! I need guidance... I'm crying out loud to my sister's and brother's...Are you there I feel distant bring my close hold me tight wipe theses tear's from my eye's! Neal beside me hear my cry!This time I need you and here is why,

I've lost all hope inside...my heart is broken and no one ask why ..I feel alone no-one in sight...I've fallen and can't get back up....I've lost my love and passion...I feel the need to fight this darkness taking hold but I can't find it in me.. I need your help ...will you help good or bad...Please don't judge when you hear- I have a past.. I have sinned..

Just forgive and smile today I'm a child of GOD help me find my way....I've fought alone for so long and I've gotten nowhere stand up with me? Pray with me tonight! My faith has faded and I need it back ... It comes with love and passion forgiveness...

   

If you been here I want to help you! I can't change your world but I will make you smile I will love you for the good and bad... I can listen to your cry and I will never hold your past against you! Sister's I came with a heavy heart tonight and I wont ever go away with out prayer....I ask you tonight to pray for my walk with the LORD:) I'm forever grateful!

Special Daddy......

Josie and Daddy talking....

Daddy with his girl's....

Daddy's are so special!

Daddy and Daniel....



I'm so blessed to have a wonderful, caring man to father our children!
Larry has always been fun, he will make you smile even when your trying
not to... I'm in love with this AH-MAZING Daddy....


I don't have a good bond with my dad....It hurts alot that I don't even talk
with my daddy sometime for month's.....

So I've always dreamed of a man, kind and gentle.... A man that would
guide and love our kid's more then yell and rise a hand to them....

I wanted my kid's to be able to come to their mom and dad for anything!
I wanted to see daddy daughter date's and
father-son outing's....

My husband work's on a tow boat and is out for a month..
He has sacrificed a home life to provide for us as a family...
I'm so thankful for him in many way's.....

Money is great! BUT it's not about the money....
We could live in a  box and I know Larry would still be right there
making us smile..helping us through the night's....

Our kid's talk about their daddy so much!
The kid's light up around him each time he enters a room....
Their daddy is a SPECIAL DADDY!!!

Seeing our older daughter look to her dad for dating advice..
For his approval,

Seeing our son take a interest in following in his dad's foot steps....
For his guidance in life.....

Seeing our younger daughter holding daddy's hand for everything...
looking for kisses and hugs no matter who's watching....


I'm blessed to have shared a part of  our life, someone who is
very SPECIAL to us.....
                         Thanks for reading......

I Stand Tall!!

                I've been attacked- lied on- questioned... The devil have came to
 my door and invited his self into my heart my home, my life around my love one's...

               He took a shape and I fell for it I invited him with open arms
without even knowing all along he was here to hurt me and my family.

              My headquarters (HEART) was attacked! My state of being, my faith
and charter my love was questioned..

              I wont lie I took it! I laid down and hid for a short while!
I let it happen, I gave no fight! I thought and felt I had fight left in me!
Scared and confused heart broken, faithless of the unknown! I took it1

         In my moment's of darkness I seen little steams of light trying to
weave through. If only I would stand up and trust, believe.....
If only I would desire the love of OUR PROTECTOR! I just gave in!

  I felt broken , not worthy for GODS love....

   I got up! I found clarity in this mess... I stood tall, firm my head
held high.... God touched me, he let me know he is here, He LOVES
ME!!!

    Proverbs 28:26
"He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but he who walks
wisely will be delivered."

   I took a stand! I pushed the Devil out along with all the doubt and hurt
 that came with him! I gave him the ole boot.... I WON!!!
He took hold brought me down in my brief moment of weakness,
I stood before him and fought with kindness, love forgiveness in my heart!

    I beat him with peace in my heart! With fact's and the guidance of the
                    LORD!!! AND I WON!!!

       Your not going to bring me down I'll have my weak moments,
I will have trails and mountain's to climb but they will only build me
teach me, and build my faith in the LORD!




        Thanks for reading this post this past week has been so hard for my family!! We have been questioned to every length and more! It was hard to overcome but I did with faith and I learned that anyone no matter how close can hurt you and your love one's! Keeping your faith is most important:)



           

My darkest hour! Have to make light!

         Have you ever had a time in life you felt as if you should lock your door's and distant your self , your family away from the big world out side of it?

   This past week my blog page, my family has been under attack! Our faith our humaity  has been questioned! We have been put down because of our different life style. I wanted to go and knock down this person's door and ask why? I want to understand what is the trouble with different? Why is the people I love and care for being questioned?

    Instead I've explained my family over and over I have stood tall and fought these nasty thing's being said!
I have wanted so badly run and hide and lock the door and not face the negative... I know deep down their are bigger battles being fought and heavier burden's being dealt with.... I also know I have a shield of love, of protection and with it I have a chance against anything...

   My family and I will stand strong in our faith and we understand we are different and live by different rules from other's and that's fine with us!! God brings good to our life's and we will get some bad, negative people sent our way to question us try to break us down! It is up to (US) at the end to keep faith stand tall and firm in what we know, and trust!

  Some-times in life I guess bad will come to sit at our door and try to control us, evil will take hold and rip our wall's down... This is where I say it's time's like this to remember God's love and faithful understanding
In this time count our every blessing... Kick evil right back out our home's,away from our heart's and our love one's..

   I feel in many way's it's hard to stand and some time's I get broken down
and I don't keep strong faith!When our mind is telling us we are NOT worth it, when it
 gets difficult, think upon your VICTORIES!

Sister's encourage yourself, we know our faith we know our father loves us don't question run toward his love take cover, receive it own it...


     Thanks for stopping in and reading this post!

What's New In Our Life:))

Josie fell in love with this puppy:)

Josie's side redone!

Gladys's side redone:)

What's New: We BOUGHT a house! We have took that big step before and it fell through for us!! We have prayed for this day to come since forever!!! I've enrolled back into school to finish my degree in early childhood... Super excited about this:)
Although the Girl's have to share a room I think I done a wonderful job allowing them to have their own space.....

What's to come: Our son Daniel will be 14...this week! Wow time has went by so fast.... I'm going to let him go to his buddy's house Saturday night and I'll have about 14 hour's to paint and put a new bed in for him:)
We are working on insurance for the new house and the price's are just crazy to me!!!

What I've been reading: I've been reading the bible here this past few day's more then normal.... I think in this time there is so much in our life we need guidance....

I've had a hard time with: There are some of my husband's family that are so rude, to us and to our three kid's and I don't mind it when the hate they are releasing is on me but when it affects our children I just get heated and think very awful thing's in return some time's even act upon them! I've been trying to teach my children not to let other's affect their attuide and how the treat other's.....Seeking the LORD"S guidance about this!

A few thing's I'm thankful for: My Husband whom work's so hard to provide for our little family.... I'm so thankful for this chapter in our life with buying a new home securing money for our many year's to come... I'm thankful for my family and friend's...


Thanks everyone for reading this post I'm truly blessed by you and your support:))

Four Letter Word!

                                                          Four Letter Word:)

                   A word we use on every occasion.... A word some use not knowing
the meaning.... Not understanding the out come from using this Four
Letter Word to express them self!

     Dear Friend's I want to express what this word mean's to me and how
I use it....

LOVE is the wind on a hot summer day...
LOVE is a tender kiss....
LOVE is a hand print on the door in the morning...
LOVE is tear's falling during goodbyes...
LOVE is a small hand in yours....
LOVE is not measured....nor questioned...
LOVE is unexpected....NEVER need to ask for...
LOVE is true and kind....
LOVE is expressed through ten set's of hugs and kisses....before bed

In our family LOVE is not asked for.. There's no need to question
our LOVE for each other....

I find LOVE in ten load's of clothes that one stain you can't get out...
I don't get mad it reminds me of the fun we had making the stains...
LOVE being built!

  Sometimes I still need to be held, I need reassuring everything will work
out! LOVE comes through little hand's rub across my face and a big hug from small people come soon to follow..... I see LOVE where most don't!

  A hard day in and your children offer to clean the table after dinner!
Or take a bath without being told! That's LOVE in it's own way....

True and pure LOVE.... A kind of LOVE people would kill to fell....


LOVE day is coming soon and instead of just saying I LOVE you,
EXPRESS it no matter in what way or form....JUST EXPRESS it!

Go all out,have fun with it.... Make a day filled with note's and kisses..
Have a party with you family and friend's just to express you love for them!
Write a small note to put in your babies lunch box.... bake with your children..... Pass the cupcake's out to people you don't know just because!

  I want to take my expressing to a whole new level! I want more of the
little thing's to count in life!

LOVE in different form's fills my home..my HEART!!! I want to LOVE the
unloved..... The LORD don't chose whom to LOVE he LOVE"S us no matter
size,shape,or form..... Mad or Sad or Happy we should always add love!!!


Thanks for letting me take a moment to express how much the four letter word mean's to me!!! To my family.....LOVE and be LOVED!!!

Pushed away only to end with love!

My Husband and I:)2006




Sadly our story didn't start out so wonderful!
I will start by telling you I have spent the most part of my childhood
and adulthood pushing people away!
I was out to hurt them before they could hurt me.....


I've been put down and hurt, touched and abused
through-out my childhood-- I tried to find a happy place where
No ONE could hurt me and the truth is I didn't find that place!
I didn't feel safe..So I put this wall of fire up..


I remember setting out to hurt anyone who came close,
to close for comfort! I would do anything to hurt them
to remove them from my life so they couldn't do what the other's done!!
I was RUDE,NEGATIVE,OUT OF LINE!!

I remember losing friend's because I wouldn't let them to
close....No One took the time to ask me why?
No one sat down and tried to understand....

I tried to have friend's after so long they would get to close!
I would stop going to there house...Stop taking phone
calls! Distant my self to my room alone...
Untouchable!

See in my heart I wanted to reach out I wanted to talk
about thing's in my past, people who hurt me!
No one would take the time to listen...
There are so-many unknown thing's No one but my husband
knows about me!

I was 16 and wild! Not sexually but other way's
I stop attending school hung out with people whom
cheered me on to do horrible thing's- to fight
to drink....

I ran into a day where I was alone when I needed
someone to hold me to cry with me! Not to
see the negative and run but to hold tighter!


I'm here to tell you I still have day's when
I feel my family is in harm's way and I distant whom
ever might harm them from our life!

I saw a man! Someone to love!
Someone to love me!
(MY HUSBAND)

I had anger for so long,I hated myself and the one's
whom hurt me abused me- touched me!

Larry looked past my negative rude way's and seen
good! I pushed this man I should say I tried to
push him away.....

He stood by me! Held me through bad and good!
It's like he helped me release the evil all the
anger was gone when I was around him....

I smiled.... I remember laughing until it hurt!
He made me happy:)
At first I think I was there cause I felt different
around him, Not for love just a escape away from
all the bad!

November 12,2006 I was ask to move in...
ha! I thought it was a joke I thought he was nut's!
His two kid's called me mom they were so small!

I didn't know what would happen!
I didn't want to upset the kid's or
anyone around him!

They were always smiling and having fun!
I moved in that day that's when my love grew
for him! For the family!

There is no way I will lie and say I don't have
bad day's.... I don't push people away!
Because I do as everyone one has and will!

I have God to help me now!
A love so strong... A love
I never knew was available to me!

I'm happy to tell you Larry and I are coming up on
our 4th Wedding Anniversary:)
This January 24th,2013!

Almost
Seven full year's with  the man
whom loved me!

It's been hard to let this wall down!
I should tell you
I'm still in love with him...
With my family!
with my life....Sometimes I think I'm dreaming
but, the truth is I wake up to find a loving
Husband three wonderful children whom Love's me for me!!!

Our love as a family is strong....
We have a bond with each other I'm thankful to GOD
I have!

Ladies I still have my day's but I'm here to tell you
I wanted to share what I went through not in detail
because it still hurts to talk about sometimes!

If you have a wall up, if you can't trust..
If you have been hurt before!
I ask you to pray!
If not family, If not friend's
GOD will see you through!

He has a unconditional love! Amazing love!
To you whom have been hurt or abused in anyway,,,
My heart go's out to you!
My love and understanding go's out to you!
I pray for you and your faith!

Thank y'all for reading! Thanks for listening!
I'm so glad y'all stopped by and allowed me to
open up and show you my feeling's, my heart!!!

It's Christmas

Our tree:)

 
                       Christmas don't mean gift's to me-
When I think about Christmas even the whole month of December I think of giving not taking
but love and kindness I don't like to think of how much a gift is but the smile it brings....

I'm in wal-mart I hear this stressed over-worked mother on the phone in the next ail
talking with someone ---- this mother is almost in tear's talking about not being able to afford a barbie....

I walk down the way and she breaks she is head down and in a crazie mode talking about selling her wedding ring and selling her car!

I understand there are lot's of us that have to do this to get by....... But it broke my heart here I go
with like 100 in gift's in my chart and she didnt have 20 for a barbie!

Now I'm limited with the move and was putting a few item's back before checking out
but to know what she is going through and to walk away knowing I can help!!!

God-I said in my head this $20 could be used in so many places but this is where you lead me this is
where I went!!!!

I walked over to the lady and asked her to show me the barbie she wanted for her daughter...
she looked at me like I was insane hahaha! I said please allow me to help and pay for the
barbie you want! Please let me bless you how I've been blessed-

This lady gave me her number and she gave me like ten hug's I think at a point I couldnt breath...
It felt so good to help and to tell you the truth I went home with nothing that day!!!
I was worried that my kid's wouldnt get enough if I did this or I could use the $20 for gas or food...

But I put my faith in......I'm going to tell you I seen this lady a whole nine day's later......
I didn't even notice her! She said hey you are the one who helped me....
Now I looked at her like she was insane lol my kid's said momma keep walking hahaha!

 She handed me $50 and said to me I love your heart because  I had nothing and I didn't know if
my baby would open anything- you gave to me without knowing me without thinking about it...

I was telling her I wanted to and it was fine well her husband had got his settlment after two years of waiting
two years!!!!


God is good!!! Give and you will be given to!!!!! This is the best!

Sister's I don't like to put it out there if I help someone or give but I thought this was a wonderful story to share! If you are in a spot to help someone in need pray about it- Don't question the Lord ....Put your faith in 100% He will bless you 10 fold!!!!!!!


I hope each and everyone of you Beautiful friends are blessed and much more over this next few weeks!
I pray that you have a chance to give and help someone in need!

Thanks for reading!