When Is ever enough?

  
   Life is hard to understand sometimes ( like if I have to tell you)....
I wonder sometimes if what I do is enough? Do I have enough love to give tomorrow?
I feel like some night's I drag to bed and five minutes later I'm right back up at LIFE again..


 My house clean?
Is everything in place?
Girl's hair done?
what's for dinner?
What to do tomorrow?
Who is coming over?
  So many question's feels like not enough time in the world to think and do everything on my to do list! Maybe you sweet friend's deal with the daily happenings and wonder if it's every going to be enough?

 I must admit to you I've always been a little OCD okay maybe a lot.... My hubby tells me "Gina I'm sure if you go to bed with a unfixed couch or without clean trash bin's the clean cops wont come write you a ticket." I always say okay funny guy your right.... But then I lay in bed wondering maybe I should just go clean up and then I'll have a clean start in the morning....

  Truth is I wake to "out of place thing's" anyway! No matter what I do there is always more to do, feels like I'm running out of LIFE!  When I have friend's or family visit they always joke with me about everything having "THAT ONE SPOT".... I find myself sitting here visiting but really my mind is in overload because the kid's made a mess in the hall or the couch is messed up.....

  I always go in the kid's room trying to organize and clean to my standard's and my oldest daughter put a sign on the door saying.....(sorry if it's hard to see)....


"No moms allow to come in and clean or talk about cleaning."
Enter if you ONLY want to have fun....

No matter how many time's I take it down it finds away back on the door lol! 

 

   Yes I have fun with my beautiful children yes I display their art work..... there has been times
I get no sleep to make things Perfect..... Who is to say the dirtiest house on earth isn't the perfect one? What I'm trying to do is get more relax and "free" time! This past week my "to do" list was as long as a whole notebook page.... thing's like rewash all dishes, take all food out of cabinet's and better organize by date.....or move everything out living room and wipe wall's door frame's and move the thing's back in!

  My husband joke's and pokes at me all the time "I'll keep my day job" or "how much do you get paid I'm sure not enough" ........ It's not the work that effect's me cause cleaning is a big stress reliever for me! It's the thinking about it every single minute......

 I sat the kid's down and asked them what they would like to do or see me do over this weekend this is what I got.....

Daniel- Racing or mudding.....
Gladys- creek no matter how dirty it looks....
Josie - "momma spill tea in the floor while playing tea time with me, put your cover over it and leave it there for YOUR mom to clean... that's what I do mommy.....

REALLY???? :Ha! This will be a fun weekend.....

 Some-times it's life's mess UPS we really see who Love's us for us! Out of the few family and friend's that do stop by none of them judge me if anything they encourage me to relax more, they help me! I've always been afraid for that one person to stop by and my house be filled with cracker's or spilt milk...and being judged for it.....

  This weekend we- NO I will try to complete each of the kid's request and not worry about being judge or being picture as a bad mother or wife for it! If you find your self to be stressed about being perfect EVERYDAY take a weekend for your self take ADAY to be relaxed and free! Maybe it wont be that bad friends.....Until next time reader's......
 

 

No Accident!

God knew who you were before anyone else did!


We as mom's try to make our daughter's fill Beautiful and amazing!
What the world makes them fill is less then that! What we have told them for the last 18 years or less maybe more is out the window all cause Stacey down the street has better clothes or more shoes!


Gladys will be 12 July 12 of this month....She has wondered for awhile what it would be like to set at (that lunch table) (to be on that team) She has friend's good girl's, But Gladys wonders what (the grass on the other side is like) so to speak..

She was doing her hair yesterday and tear's fell from her pure pale face... Her brown eye's filled with disappointment... As a mother I felt like I let her down I didn't understand why she would fell this way? She was beautiful, amazing.... I began to question did she hear (your beautiful enough?) Did I fail making her feel beautiful?


I sat her down just us! What's wrong baby? Momma why do all the girl's at school have better clothes and why do the have better hair? Why do their mom's allow them to get fake nails and I can't! Why do the cool girl's not allow me to sit with them at lunch? Will middle school be this bad? Tear's just poured from her pretty face and mine!


I asked what makes you feel less then other girl's? (momma they aren't the nicest to me and my friend's they say thing's that are mean and hurtful makes me feel ugly)

My heart dropped QUICK what to say! My head felt like that part on spongebob where there trying to think of his name and all they found was fine dinning, I have a thousand thing's running through which would be better to say to my Beautiful amazing daughter who has bared the raft of the face of TV, BOOKS and popular girl's!

I told her give me a minute baby.... BIBLE please help me I"VE never went through this I was one of the Popular girl's so to say! HELP!!!


Jeremiah 1:5
I chose you before I formed you in the womb I set you apart before you were born I appointed you a prophet to the nation's...

Gladys God made you with no accident's I read Jeremiah 1:5 to her and explain you are designed by GOD himself ! He made you with special abilities with specific battle's to overcome in life.... He made a significant plan for you and at the end you will learn...

YOUR amazing in every way GOD attended you to be, best eye's and mouth beautiful spirit and soul... Well rounded person... You have a heart! You might not spend $50 on each pair of jeans but you look good in your yard sale or second handed clothes... You have faith that you are perfect in GOD eye's and no one is better then you or your not better then anyone else! He made you on PURPOSE!


I felt like the world feeds our children to feel less of themselves because of the shirt they wear or the shoes they don't have! We are all Beautiful and made with a significant plan in life... regardless of who don't approve of us and who trys to change us because we aren't  the girl down the street or not the model on a cover shoot.... We are designed with specific issues and skills also the abilities to overcome anything in life because GOD made us that way!

 

 

 

This was us silly and happy! Okay Gladys was alittle over taken by my attempt to make her laugh but at the end I think my talk did some good! I was unsure but it made it with the guidance of the lord and the word!

 

 

Submission>3

 

    When I thought about submitting myself fully to something or someone- I thought I was giving up apart of who I was.. I felt used an belittled, like I need someone to tell me what's best for me really? I wanted SELF CONTROL!

  I've always been definite and difficult... I never wanted to be labeled as being diffident or unaccomplished...

 I was determined  to be important and worthy.... At the end I lost me fighting all theses years to have control over what I feel and think is best I've missed out on some relaxed day's and loving moment's!

I read a scripture Ephesians 5:22-23
     And yes, the wife must submit to the leadership of her husband.

Now the little scared girl whom read this scripture seven years ago ran the other way.
Are you crazy submitting to him hahaha laughing all the way.. While thinking he isn't my daddy and I don't need him to tell me how to live my life!


Now the women at this key board can take accountability and recognize I was so wrong. I missed out on life I missed out and so did my husband... He tried to led me in ways I thought boy you are NOT my daddy! I didn't want to do what was expected of me and in so-many way's I ran to avoid submission or advice...

Today I sit in tear's because I want to take back the last seven year's of being scared running the other way hiding myself from being fathered!

Today I understand what my marriage has lost but also what my marriage has gained!My husband has let me do thing's my way for seven year's and for so long I felt good doing so but the truth is I took my husband faith and pride away from him...

Pushed him away for seven year's cause I knew all the answer and the whole time I KNEW NONE!

Now it's time to give back to my HUBBY and fully, unconditionally submit to him. Put my faith and trust in him knowing he will do right by his family.. I don't wish away the last seven years cause I went through them with a good man who stood by me and honored me, still doses I love this man with my whole heart body and soul! Now it's time to spend the next 80 years loving him unconditionally, and whole heartily submitting myself to him!

Ladies this don't mean we have no self worth or we aren't important or we can't accomplish anything this just means we will do it as a team together! I'm sure it will be hard going from me TO us but WE can do it!

            Thanks -Gina

Because of them!

   Mother's Day coming up and I battled for so long with being a mom! I thought for sure I would turn out like my dad and mom..... I knew I wanted kid's and a husband but I didn't want to right away... I wanted to wait till I was older and wiser.... I knew deep inside I wanted the American family dream just didn't know when or how!

  I was in a bad place in life a angry soul walking around waiting for someone to hurt someone to blame for all my pain in life...Smiles didn't come to often... Dream's were my only happiness for a while I had come to a place of unhappiness a feeling on loneliness...I had no one to love or to love me.....

I moved out into a hotel when I was 16 year's old I dropped out of school and worked to pay my own bills...It was the happiest I was in awhile free from hurting, no one to hit me no more black eye's no more yelling and telling me how bad Iam just me living for me!

 I was going no where doing nothing in life! Why would there be anyone to love some one like me?
I was wrong! Larry and I meet and he showed me a life I've never known a love so strong something no one has ever expressed to me before.....

 November 6 2006 I moved in with Larry and his two kid's Daniel and Gladys.... At 19 I became a mother of two and a (unmarried) house wife I guess you could say.....It was so hard to trust them and so easy to love them with all my heart!

 I wondered for so long what being a mother would be like and I loved every second of it! Their mom was and still is NOT around and they call me mom till this day! I married this wonderful man and gain two children soon after had one of our own Josie.... They changed me (saved me)!! Loved me when no one else did they stood by me good and bad moment's! They are my best friend's I'm still learning and growing I'm so proud to say I'm growing with them!

I wrote something I want to share!:)

A mother's love could never be questioned! Gentle hand's and tender kisses... Flower's bloom then shortly die off...Mother's love blossoms forever more... never to die! I look at you and my heart smiles, your my every wish my every dream...

To see you cry makes my heart scream.. I will never be one to put you down or judge you, your so perfect to me! Beautiful daughter's and handsome son my love burns like a bright and gentle fire never to be put out! My wishes are to watch you grow to love you more and more...help you shine in every way hard day's and bad dream's are sure to come just know mommy will always be on your team...

Pick up your every fall your my flower's I want to help you grow! My love could never be questioned for you three are my soul! I have a mothers day EVERYDAY because of you! I'm blessed beyond a doubt.. I want you to know I'm here today tomorrow, and forever too! Just wanted you three to know how much I really love you!


I love these three and to tell you the truth I have a mother's day everyday!! Every smile, hug every prayer.... every I love you..... Life without them would be unbearable! I wish each and everyone a very Happy Mother's Day I love ya'll and Be Blessed sweet friend's!

My three babies!:)

Great blessing's on my Birthday!

   
                                      I'm turning 26 year's old tomorrow!
At first I felt overwhelmed and (OLD).... I thought I would feel wise and like I'm getting a new start! For some reason up until last night I was NOT looking forward to growing  older this year!


This morning at two in the morning on the way to Memphis to drop off my hubby for work..... I had so much me time to think.. Everything that has happen to me and for me, all my trails and all my blessings!

My husband and I moved back to Savannah and bought our very on home, We faced a trail in life that just built our faith up so strong! Our family has grown closer in this past year! I can list a million thing's that has happen good and bad! But for me all that is going through my head is why don't I have my hubby on my birthday why are the kid's and I always alone?

  Question's second guessing everything in life! I want to move pass these negative thoughts in my mind and move past them fast! This morning on the way home I turned on 90.5 our local K-love station I needed and wanted to be inspired encouraged what better way then to worship?

My mind went blank all bad thoughts gone my feeling loved and not alone I started to list good thing's out loud about my past year ONLY GOOD!
My two girl's woke at this point,still talking to myself haha the girl's were talking and laughing among there self.....

 My four year old loves K-love she starts to sing out loud
"where you go I'll go"  where you stay I'll stay" when you move I'll move"
Then my oldest daughter starts to sing, tear's flooded my eye's, tears of happiness of joy! How could I second guess a new season in life?

 Why would I have my eye's set on bad and the past when GOD has a open road for my family and I..... I have a sat out to engage in full love, and forgiveness this year I'm young and a wife a mother of three...

I've been blessed with two amazing unwanted children! I've been with them for seven year's nw and they are mine there couldnt be a life without them:)I prayed to God for my very own child after more then three doctors telling me I would never carry We had a sweet baby girl.....

I'm thankful so thankful I made a goal list for this year of being 26 happy, wise, encouraged new loved brave!!!

-Pray more... More one on one time with GOD!
-Take more free time... forget the cleaning...
-less T.V and FB and Blogging more family time!
-Be free in the judgment world we live in today!
-Taking a trip saving money's nice but for once I want to say yea to a trip enjoy the money we work so hard for!!!


  I'm Gina I'm a simple 26 year old women of GOD , mother and wife...
I have doubts and question's I get down in life sometimes stressed!
At the end of the day I know I'm blessed and loved... I'm never alone
I'm older and beautiful and blessed beyond doubt.....

Five minute thought's!

What's new!


-Book's I'm reading....  The Respect Dare, by Nina Resner!
    Wonderful so far and I feel like there are some
good changes going on:)


-Kids are doing....  Gladys has started ball practice this past week or so..
Daniel is taking a break for summer sports, he wants more time to relax lol be a "bro" the was he puts it......
Josie has dance recital coming up, summer classes begin soon and we have started BEKA BOOK for home school:)


-Hubby and I are....   We are trying to find a medium for us! We go so long without one another and it's so hard to make time in the time he is home so this past two weeks we have had TWO date night's:) We loved every minute of them!


-Trips planing soon...    June is when we are going on a four day  weekend get away to Chicago to see my family....

-Trips we took.....   We went to Houston Ms to visit with Larry's family I have to say we has a blast!:)

Me and the Hubby:)

Josie and her Nana!

Daniel our handsome man:)

Josie and momma!

Momma and Daughter's!

I'm stuck! Help me,guide me?

I've been watching life pass me by! I watch as my friend's grow and move on , I see happy face and tear's of joy and lm stuck in a hole of darkness alone!!

  I want more then anything to have my hubby home to hold me keep me safe from the world.. The truth is I don't know if we even know each other anymore! I feel loss and ladies let me tell you I think (the not knowing) is getting to me faster then anything!

I see families in church, date night's and my heart aces! I want to run and cry just hide from all the people who have what I want!! I'm married to a wonderful man whom work's away from home and he work's so hard for our family! I have the family I've always wanted but why is it that I feel alone and abused in some sense?

 I'm not understanding why I'm married and alone for month's at a time.. Why WE have three Beautiful children together but I'm alone parenting them? I don't understand why my bed was bought for two but all that lays in it is a dream, a smell of you?

I feel out of place without my husband beside me to help guide our family and teach our kid's as they grow and become older! I feel like I'm drowning and he (my husband) is no where to help!

I understand I have a great hard working loving man! Wonderful father and trust me I've counted my blessing from day one but I've fought this feeling and it just wont go away! I keep fighting and it just appears again down the road over taking me in every way!

 I pray, I read my bible daily and still I feel seconded, abandoned! I feel like I'm fighting the world alone and the sad part is I'm not! I have a wonderful husband to fight it with me but he is never here!:(

I need to dig deep and understand I guess just lay my feeling's down but is it really this easy to forget? I need to understand? I need to grow up and stop being silly?

I fell there needs to be something to take place something big! I want to move pass this trail in life but for some reason I think my battle just begun!


Ladies if you have dealt with or have had to deal with something alone the lines...Please fill free to advise me.... My husband can only talk so much but I don't think it's helping!

Thanks for reading, posting my dear friend's you love is such a blessing!