I've broken these chain's....

                                      "Theses chain's will be broken today"!
          I refuse to be locked behind this wall you have built.. I wont stand by and allow you to choose my faith! Wall's of discouragement,hate,sorrow and neglect! You have held me back in the past and I allowed you to do so..
 Your holding me back from who I'am and who I want to be!

      I've tryed to overcome you but somehow you always pull me back in..
Only leaving me disabled and confused! No more will I give you the power over my heart!

  "I'am a strong women and will make it without your love,support"

   I'm breaking your hold on me.. Your a devil!A person whom belittles  me and holds me down.. Not allowing me to truly shine,only because someone has done the same to you and only because you are no one without heart's of other's in your hands!

      Today only I and God has my heart! Only he knows my faith! This game is off and you don't have the controller anymore I do!!!

   1 Samuel 10:9   "And God give him a new heart."

  I will to receive this new heart and it will to be protected by God him self.....
I will forgive you today, I will pray for you everyday! Because if I don't forgive you I cant grow in my faith,and  I would let you continue to hold my heart!!!!!   


  If you have someone controlling your faith, break the chain! Forgive them and pray for them.... They to have been hurt and no that don't justify what they have done to us, but we should show them love, like our father in heaven would....


           Thanks for reading! Today I choose my faith and I know who holds my heart!

   

Childhood! Not flowers in spring time.....

          Failure is a word I think of often. Am I doing this right? Or Is this going to be a set up for failure?

  I only ask myself these question's because I had  no support system growing up... I think back and look at my childhood which I really DON'T like to do! I have very few memiors or happiness, more of pain and broken dream's....

   As a child there wasn't hugs before bed and kisses at the end of a bed time story...
It was more of name calling and hitting because I don't clean or move fast enough! I didn't have a mom say I love you at every moment instead after cleaning and cooking for my younger step brother's and sister's I would get yelled at by my step dad or my mom for not doing something right!

  Still I didn't hear I love you Gina I heard things like ( get you A## to bed your just like your daddy I hate you fat bi###)! then as I woke the next morning there would be a note from my mom telling how sorry she was and how much she love me! The day would be like the last or worse!!! She would send me to my dad and he was worse then her...... He would make me be his little wife!


     Rubbing his back cleaning his house, washing  the tub down to shine and then fixing the water with just alittle cold but not to much or he would kick me and pull my hair! Lots of times I would have to stay and babysit at 10 years old so my dad and step mom could go out and I'm not talking about ten minute's I'm talking about hours!I would get sick of being there and call my dad names or do something he wouldn't like so he would send me home! I remember my dad whopping me so bad one time for not fixing his tube water right I was bleeding... No lie 18 licks!!!! I couldn't sit down and the ride back to tn was so much pain but I had to sit straight up or he would back hand my face! When I got to my mom's I would have a busted lip back eye it didn't matter to neither of them back I was so wrong and what ever my littler sister's and brother's done was on me cause I was older!

     I still have bad dreams and think about everything! I have no good relationship with my mom or my dad nor my step patents!!!! They robbed my childhood alone with the men who hurt me in other way's!


    I know there are ppl out there whom has been hurt to links worse then mine! I pray and pray about everyone whom has hurt me and I think at times that Its because of something I've done... I've had this hate in my heart for so long.. I haven't fully let it go! I don't like to get close to women nor men at all it's hard for people to get past this wall! I set myself up for failure when letting people get to me when the truth is I'm god's child! He is my love,heart:) he can protect me only if I let him! I live for him...


      I want something different for my three children! I tell them I love them at everything they do sometime my son Daniel is like (Gina I love you to but stop my friends are here) lol just the teenager in him..... I'm building a new support system GOD, husband and my three kids, church family what more could I need?
I still have some things to let go but I'm trying  with all my might, the dream's are sometimes real like I'm in them and it's like they've hurt me all over again!!!!! I might need a person to talk to but it's hard to open up face to face you should see me now! My key board it wet!


                    Thanks for reading and sorry for the bad word's this is my heart talking and I just type!

Contentment or Discontentment?

         Sometimes as a mom I feel content in giving and never taking.....


        While living in the south I have had a chance to grow with the lord on different levels. Made good friends and fell in love with the way of living!
Some way's I have these moments in life where I feel like a three year old because I don't want to share a thing with outsider's, with distant family nor friends I want to hold everything for myself and my (in-home family).


       I've not always been this way, yes there where time's i took and took but never really giving back! I have a  feeling of discontentment residing deep in my heart..I do want to give even til the last dollar! I want to help everyone and have been in the place where i did give everything I own away to help.
couch,bed dishes money..... but no one was there to say thank you for your help and then just at the moment where my family was started I closed the giving door for good...


     So I thought:) I pray so hard when I have ten dollars and I see someone in need. Lord do I give this to them? Lord what if I need it? what if I run out of something? Well there has been times where I would walk away and not give and I seriously found a feeling I wouldn't feel to often.. (discontentment,hurt, sadness) I could feel the lord saying I told you to give it will be fine Regina!

    Again I ask over and over what if I need it?

       This comes to me every time some one in need is sent in my path!
    "GIVE,AND IT WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU".
sweet and reassuring word's to hear.   I find this reoccuring three year old appearing off and on. I ask this question often what if I need it and in the back of my mind I'm going crazy, the light bill is coming up one of the kids always in need of something!

      But HERE IS THE LORD!! like cheerleader's at and football game!
 Regina do it, your heart is in it just do it..... ("GIVE,AND IT WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU".)  Again super sweet words..



  Are you feeling contentment or discontentment in your heart?
Do you give a little to get you by to reserve for yourself or your own family/

      This is the day I will feel content in every way! When we give to the lord, as wife's and mother's friends or co-worker's we are blessed so much more!

So chose today or the next time you can give and the question is in your mind should I? Do it just listen to the lord give and give!

  He will give to us a amount so big, many blessings we can not imagine! Trust in him he will provide..

          Please don't give for wrong reason's just to be seen or to get noticed!
do it for you heart, Bible tells us don't run to Church and tell all about things we have blessed others with, but to do it in faith and love...... Today is a start!

    I will not get it right all the time and the "what" question will appear at times but it is up to me to chose where my faith lays! 



      Thanks for reading and God bless you!

Forgiving:

              I forgive over and over daily but i never truly give it my all. We tell our self for whatever reason to forgive some one, but our hearts are not there yet there's still work to be done.
              Luke 24:47  "There is forgiveness of sins for all who repent"
         Acts 13:38   "Listen! We are here to proclaim that through this man Jesus there is forgiveness for your sins".

                  I can find about 100 or more ways the bible tells you how to forgive, but you Can Not forgive if your heart isnt  in it! Like I've found out pray then pray some more and then guess what pray some more! Talk to the lord about your trouble's set them free.....

      
           Life like this road can be beautiful and open to anything we allow to happen.
I want to learn to be humble,kind forgiving loving! I have a horrible time with forgiving and I will put off praying about it all the time and sometimes I feel the lord tapping me on the heart saying

"Gina I know what is in here open up to me there is so much more for you out there just let it out free this troubling heart of yours...."

See no matter what we hide, what we say, read or want (HE) has a plan for us....I feel I do forgive then if something happens or I see the person I forgave last week for what ever they have done It sends me back to one! I want so much to ask them why? Why do you dislike me, why are you rude why knock me down (no one even takes the time to say hey I done wrong or I'm sorry) then the small problem boils into a bigger one! I pray and I will work on this but it is hard for me to forgive when I need closer in certain area's of my life....

         Some people that I want to forgive I feel I need to sit down with them women to women or child to mother and ask why, or how did it come this far? I've been reading the bible and I do know that you can go to the people and talk to them...


What I've concluded I don't know if it is right or untrue but this is what is in my heart! 
  Matthew 18:15-17
-15- If another believer sins against you go privately and point out the offense.If the other person    listens and confesses it you have won that person back.
-16-but if you are unsuccessful take one or two others with you and go back again so that everything you say may be confirmed by two are three witnesses.
-17-if the person still refuses to listen take your case to the church then if he or she wont accept the Church's decision treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.

This tells me if you have trouble to go to that one person or persons who you feel has done wrong I think this is a step to forgiveness....  Remember our god will help us mold us, love and protect us and even though we might be scared to go forward he we keep us strong and safe he is a forgiving GOD!!!!!




            Thanks for reading- feel free to comment and come again:)

Five Minute Sunday's...

                 I have three kids, Daniel 13- Gladys 10- and Josie 3- they are a sunlight for summer time!
I found myself very blessed but never took the time to look back on when the lord gave me these blessing's! Almost six year's ago I move in with the love of my life whom which has two loving, kind amazing kids.. My blessing's started rolling in that day! At the age of nineteen I fell in love not only with my now husband but these two little people.

          I was just a child myself but I knew the love I had for these three people was so real and they all felt the same way! I've help groom and raise these two children into who there are today.

Now lets think about what i just said i helped them(?) Ha:) I should say they helped me they made my life ten times better, they thought me to be gentle and kind to love unconditionally. To be a momma!

 I started to love every kid which is so hard, really some kids are hard to love but I'm sure there has been a time when these kids look at us a say dang i just want to hate you or I cant love you mom,dad friends,sister or brother! I was never a young person who could sit with younger kids then me and like it, My daddy always made me babysit everyday for four hours while him and my step mom went out to dinner or a movie I mean everyday! I think that played a part into not liking alot of little kids.

  I never felt a huge with such impact until little Gladys jumped in my arms- now only on the fifth day living with her she called me momma and said i love you momma your so sweet... I never felt this love in my life I ran with it as fast as I could...Who wouldn't right?

     Daniel was my little friend talking my head off about things he knew nothing about, lol but I felt in my heart to listen and love him no matter how much I wanted to run and be free!
This was and still is my blessing my home where my heart is and will always be....

Now to add in the mix my very own little Josie Elizabeth... it took three years to conceive her but she is here to stay our little blessing we prayed for her for so long... Daniel and Gladys don't act like they are second to her like step anything they took her in to there hearts and has never let go!

Even when I have hard days. I would never trade my blessings... if your still asking your self what that blessing might be? well there are many but the most inportant are- ( Motherhood) ( A friend) to these three little people..and a (Wife) to my loving hubby!

While giving bath's or brushing there hair even getting food thrown at me I love it! I'm willing to embrace  it for everything in me.... Motherhood isn't something I chose to status but i chose for love and growth and motherhood chooses me!

My prayer- Lord you are almighty, you know lord what we are meant to do in life lord you give gifts to all of your children and I accept my gifts lord to care and love to protect and teach these three little people in my life I will love them how you love lord thank you lord Amen-

Thinking Friday's:)

   Wow I can say this past 28 day's I haven't had a chance to sit down longer then a second! Since Larry got on the boat...I've been a busy momma, I love being the best mom I can be but sometimes it gets hard and I second guess myself.!

  I know I pray,and I pray more everyday! The kids and I have started a little bible study of our own! Each night before bed we take 20 minutes of prayer time.... We all grab a bible and we pick one verse to read that means something to us personally, then we sit and talk about it!


   Its amazing to see how much more we all have been taught just by reading and talking about things for 20 minutes aday...


  I'm not a perfect wife,mother friend nor sister but I try to be by to pushing harder and love more! I don't want to have my house perfect or all my clothes washed, I mean I do but here lately Ive ran so much I've not had a chance to sit and talk with the kids or enjoy the simple things in life....

   Being a single parent with no help for 28 days is hard! but we make the best of it! I'm trying some different approaches with chores and with the kids helping out with their room's! I don't have alot of dinner parties with lots of friends anymore because its hard, when Larry is here its simple because he helps alot...

    I don't have time to clean every room and I don't have time to post a comment every day I'm lucky to read other blogs once aweek! The kids and I are taking Larry to the new church were trying I hope he likes it I feel at home here, Daniel told me that there's a safe feeling he gets as he walks in and I'm proud of that! As for our little girls there whatever as long as they get to go and sing they are happy!

     Graduation coming up for Gladys she will be in fifth next year so sad! Daniel it wearing a moniter for 24 hours to check his heart really scary but I've laid my hands on him in prayer and faith every night! Our God never fails! Larry loves the new house:)

     Sorry if this post is everywhere, But I haven't written in like a month and not because I didn't want to it's because I've been busy jojo don't want her naps anymore been at the doctor alot with strep,and Daniels heart condition!:( But after this post it will go to a normal blog of one topic lol:)

I think life is to short to keep trying to get through to the one person or them few people in life whom which don't understand you do you best and that's all you can do! I write this blog to help others who have some of the same trails as me and I love to write! This is one thing I love and enjoy doing daily:)




   Please fill free to comment!
                       

Big step!

         We are a family of five living from check to check.... Its hard to save any money and it seems like every week there is a new bill! Sometimes I want to give up, my husband and I work hard and have little to nothing to show for it.. Bills come faster every month leaving no time to catch up!


      So we have took a  big step, and  made a big sacrifice.. Larry stop working for united stainless and started a new job with southern towing! He is now gone for 28 days and home for 14. Its hard for me being alone with the kids, to do all practice's, doctor's, wick and church, school and all the many task we mother's have on a daily basis ! To do this with out a partner after five years of shareing the following task with my partner!

        The hardest part is when they cry for there daddy! I just reinsure them he is coming home and he loves them so much.. But then i go to my room or to the bathroom and cry myself! Its crazy but we are going to be on a ten year plan:) we are buying 12 acers of land to put a house on it...paid for! We anit poor or going without but then again we dont have thousands in the savings account eigther...

         This is a big step for our family and I'm sure its hard on larry not being here for every step in our childerens life, He is a great father and husband I just wanted to add that in! We are blessed to have such a wonderful man in our life!


      So far I have money in the bank, all our car's are paid for and the kids need for nothing so we are sitting good! I'm not asking where will we get the 20 for a feild trip or 10 bucks for landuary soap! It feels great to beable to sit back and relax about money:) We arnt were we want to be at rite now but we took the first step and big step!