Sad mommy!





All three of our blessing's!

   
When I toolkall three of the kid's to school last Thursday I felt sad! I sat in my van and cried
for a hour! finally I wrote the following to all my kids:)
Wanted to share with you!!!

                   You place your soft little hands into mine.... you look at me like I'm your
                       hero...I'm unstoppable to the world ,like i have superpowers!

                When you cry my heart aches..I'm hurt and confused, When I pick you up and
          wrap my arms around you "the tears disappear" It's like I'm your doctor and
         only I have the cure to your disease.....All your pain disappears!

           I rarely question myself about how much you love me, or if you'll be a mad teen
   seeking revenge(?).... But then you say amazing thing's that changes my world!
       1-"mommy I love you"
        2- "your beautiful".
      3- you touch the side of my face softly to tell me " your proud of me"!

         Every question in my mind,my heart is gone.....I fell a love so unstoppable so pure...
It's amazing to me...I love to watch the wind blowing in your hair,you smiling when I say
"I LOVE YOU" or "I'm prod of you".

    Our love is rare, a true love bad and good! your my ruby dear to my heart, never to leave you!
I'm your heart's keeper your protector...One day someone else will come along to protect it,,,as for now its my full time JOB.....

   You saved me, made me love, made me new...I feel needed and loved by you!
For such little people you give me big love and support me through to the end.....Your my friend, your my heart, Your my Children.......

         Thanks for reading........

-GINA:)

Our tiny baby....

   

   Got a very sad and overwhelming phone call today! My loving little girl is going to school full time..

She is so sweet I just wish I could keep her home with me all the time!

   So tonight I had to go and finish some paper work and meet her teacher the usually....

 Aalthough, when I got there I found myself crying! she grabbed my hand and lead me into the

building saying... mommy it's okay I've got you....

I mean how can that help?

I have to find the straight to leave her with people I don't know Monday morning

I've almost never had to leave her or my 11 year old no where.......

 She told me on the way home "mommy I love you all the best day's" I wont get to hear

that at any during the day:( I'm stuck!

Is it normal to fell this way?

Will it ever get easier?

I wonder if the school would mind an extra student?

Can you get baby blues this last in life?

I know what she likes and what time she wants it..

If she fall's and gets hurt I wont be there after being there for almost four year's!

What will she think?

How will she  fell?

I've been meaning to ask a doctor if it's just a mom thing to worry this bad?

  I know Lot's of mom's that were happy for their little one's to go off to school...

I cant help to feel alittle crazy at this point....

I cried a few week's ago leaving our three year old with my mom to run to Memphis!

I wonder is this normal////

  Please pray for me! I need guidance about this...

Thanks for reading and please fill free to comment and give me some good advice!

Love all supports:)

Taking power back!

     I walk through this life of mine,scared of what I say and what I do....How I might offend them or hurt them...I'm very guilty at doing so! Ive hurt lot's of people in a short life time! Ive said I'm sorry and it never seems to help! I fall into a depression trying to make things right with everyone in my past....It don't help some yes but other's not!They hold it over my head,wanting something more from me! Something I cant give...I'm not willing to give!

   As I grow as a person and after all my fall's in life, I want to take my power back! I have a right to say who can get more out of me...'am I wrong for that? I hope not! I don't want to be a rude person and I want to make amids with whom Ive done wrong...But them as a person-when do you think it is time to forgive? It's not as if I've killed,hit you I said bad things,called you some names as you done! well I should say some of you done to me as well!When do I hear I'm sorry Gina for hurting you?

     I walk through life trying to get a better understanding on what and whom I call "TAKERS"! The people who cry why me all their life and blame you for all their troubles...
The one's who expect and never give...

   Well You will not take no more! Nor will I give to yous whom have hurt me and my family! I AM very sorry for thing's I have done in life.... I will be the first to say I was a "TAKER".....
Out to get people. To hurt them before they could hurt me.... I was mean and overbaring ,cruel!

   This past year I have worked on myself! who I was to others is not who I am now! You will never know unless you give someone a second chance on who they have become in there new life....
Don't get me wrong I done for anyone in a heart beat !I didn't go out and pick someone off the street and say I think she or he is hurt able.... I would have a flash back from my childhood and I would feel when someone was out to hurt me ,when people are rude to you first you tend not to try anymore! As my husband would say "write them off".

     My husband has always been a wise man! I just didn't take the time to listen because he could never be right... I mean who was he to tell me right?
Hee Hee its all clear to me that he was right all along let's hope he don't read this post cause his head will get way bigger....lol

     I've been hurt alot! since a little child men,women has done the unspeakable to me..... and I had this wall for so long letting them have power over me!

   Not anymore! I'm taking my power back today,,,If sorry isn't enough for you and me  opening my heart to you once again after you hurting me... I'm sorry but I don't need you in my life!

    We have moved into a new home and this home is built on a foundation of love and faith! I made a promise to GOD to put all my trusts in him for everything!He will protect me! My friend's He will love you no matter your past and no matter your future! His love is unconditional,its free! Ours for the taking!

Thanks for reading and allowing me to once again vent to you and share my heart! You all are amazing!
    

 

   

      
 

         

My Beautiful Daughter's!

                                            My Beautiful Daughter's!

  I will never be able to fully express the love I truly have for you girl's...
I will spend the rest of my life showing you the love in my heart! You two are not shopping buddies and are not just my kid's but you are my BEST FRIENDS!!!!

   Your tender touch and loving kind souls touch my heart never to let go!
I thought I would never have a real family, someone to love and someone to love me! GOD has blessed me in life and I don't take that lightly! I would be in a very bad place if it wasn't for you three amazing people! and your daddy!
I'm fully devoted to giving you a life I only dreamed of and never had....I want to value everyday I have to love you and teach you ....

   You girl's have taught me so much in life! I never thought there would be a day I could love someone to the level I love my little family!

Gladys was just five when the Lord blessed me with her...it was late November night on the 2 of 2006..... My life got stopped only to change for the best! her little hand grabbed mine and a small voice came from below I love you mama don't ever leave me like my real mom did..... I smiled a big smile trying to hold back the tear's  that was about to cause a flood! I love you Gladys I will never leave you baby your my life!

  I remember when I was sad Gladys always climbed in my lap put her little hands on my face and said "your beautiful mama don't cry". as I did her when she was sad!

   Josie is my first born! It changed me so much more! I didn't think I could love as much as I do her... When she wake up each morning and say "mama the sun is awake" it melts my heart! She place her hands in mine and trys to lead me through the store to the toy lane..... There is nothing I would change!

   Tear's are filling my eye's right now! I'm over taking by emotion just talking about my love for these two ladies....When someone tells you loving someone is hard don't for a second believe it! Its hard not to love someone as cute and sweet as as these two little girls!


    I want to make a promise to my Daughter's   Today! I will read this to them tonight!
I promise to be there every time you fall for support if needed...
I promise to hold you hand's when your scared!
I promise never to have a limit on hugs!
I promise to always love you no matterof  your life choosing...
I promise to love you all unconditionally.....
I promise to be your friend, and your mother..
I promise to hold you in bad time's and keep a smile on your little face's 
I promise to stand by yall in your decisions in life....
I promise to always teach you God's word in life!
I take these promises strongly, never giving up or chosen your faith in life....
I love you both so much and will work hard in life showing my love for y'all! I promise always to listen to your concerns and thoughts!
I promise I will always be here to talk about whatever life brings your way!

  Josie and Gladys I'm proud to have you both as my Daughter's I feel blessed to have such beautiful wise young ladies to complete our family! 
I take my blessing's as they come and motherhood is the best in life! never thought I would be a mother to any child... But now look at what amazing work the Lord has put in my path! Very grateful!

          Thanks for reading! Fill free to comment!

Broken Dream's....

                                       I found my self staring into the dark sky's, filling my eye's with mist from the heavy rain fall....I fell like life grabs a  hold of my heart and squeezes tightly! A broken heart is about as helpful as a empty bank account! Unhappiness is caused by lots of thing's and we can let anger,well any emotion control us!


     I wrote this poem when I was really upset and hurt...I hope you find it very expressive and helpful to any situation you may have in life....

   Looking all around me seeing fake smiles and hearing fake laughter..
Building dreams only to be broken down by hurtful monster's.
Wondering when the light will appear, So worn out on empty darkness.
I'm feeling as if there's no end to this evil residing in my home!
It takes a hold of anything good and breaks it down right before my hopeful eyes....
leaving me breathless,hurt and my heart filled with darkness! I begin to find
myself left with no hope for repair, my heart of the heartless,
my soul of the soulless...All there is left is a fake smile upon my face...
You will find me reborn into the hopeless life of the dead...
Never returning to this fake life again... No longer dreams,
If I have no thoughts! No longer life if mine has been conquered by these heartless monsters......



Some time's in life I feel over taken and abused..... I take everything I
 believe and trust and throw it all away!
When I must keep my faith and give my pain to God because
 he will provide happiness to me and more!!!!


     Thanks for reading and please fill free to vist again!